Capitol Hill Cats are Doping


Taken from our 2001 epic adventure
Last week was big news for people who had their heads in the clouds this whole time about people on a pedestal. Yeah, I am talking about Lance Armstrong (yawn). I have no illusions about sports or people involved in sports. In 1996 Bjarne Riis won the Tour de France. It was big news for Denmark. Danes are proud of arduous sports such as curling, badminton and handball. So, Denmark had something extra new to be proud of.  I am not kidding. In 1996 I was standing at Rådhuset in Copenhagen cheering his Tour de France win. I knew he was probably doping or on drugs. I have no illusions about sports. In 1998 newspapers were all the buzz about his doping. Then again, maybe it was the European media and the fine journalism of Ekstra Bladet. Bjarne really didn't admit to anything until 2007.

So, Lance Armstrong, you are WAY to late in the admission game. Bjarne from Herning beat you to it. What a humble guy right! So, if anything, you should have NEVER believed that Lance Armstrong was doing nothing but doping. I don't know why people are so disappointed  I am only disappointed that my regular radio broadcast was interrupted by Oprah talking to Lance like he was naughty middle schooler. If LA was trying to apologize like a Yid should, then he wasn't doing a good job. He would have to do some serious teshuva and bang his fist really hard into his chest during davening. I never heard an apology. Wait, what does Oprah have to do with it? I don't know, but she has become the guru of all. If Oprah says read a smutty book, then YOU read a smutty book. Yeah, she read THAT one. (I don't have to say which one)

Then Señor Armstrong tried to give the DOJ millions back. Sounds like a bribe. He looked so sad. When he was rejected I offered to take those millions off his hands in a Tweet. Money can be such a burden for some people. I always try to help other humans out through twitter. SEE:
As of right NOW, I don't have any offers coming in. Don't worry, I wouldn't go out and buy a Hummer, but I might go crazy and order a whole bunch of cheese! Oh yeah, and beer for ALL! You are invited to my super duper kosher beer party if I get some moolah out of this man.

Let's go back to the brain of a cat. Yeah, they have it made. They can dope and will get high yield rewards without the need for Oprah to interview them.  Our last Shabbos conversation came to the "drugs" point at lunch. I don't know how we got there but I think it had something to do with the fact that I talked about my trip to the seed store and was going to start putting some plants under my grow light for my spring garden. So, I tell the people at our lunch all about the catnip seeds I didn't buy. I don't know what they do to animals so I inquire. I am at lunch with a cat lover/veterinarian. Basically the cat gets stoned and goes into a state of extremism.  So if the cat is mellow, it will be even more mellow. In the case of the vet's cats, one is so mellow and lovey that it will lie on the ground hugging a teddy bear. Some trip! Or as his wife said, "Nothing happens to the cats, expect they loose a few brain cells". Humm, reminds me of something that is legal. Then again cats aren't driving or operating heavy machinery. Or are they?

Don't Give this cat Catnip!
I spotted this sign in Capitol Hill. See, the owners are in touch with the true nature of their cat. We even biked by Bug yesterday.

So, what I am saying about this whole scandal is that cats are way smarter than humans even if they are nuts. They go, "Hey, catnip, I do that". Cats have the capacity to show you their real intentions. Don't go relying on some superstar athlete to admire. In the end you will be disappointed and have to be glued to your TV screen watching Oprah. How pathetic is that! I am just waiting for Te'o scandal to air on OWN and my radio cast with Rachel Belle will be interrupted yet another time. WHY?!

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