Thursday, January 31, 2013

Flew, fleww, flu?

No, I don't have the flu but instead something called lethargy. My nose is stuffy and I look at this misty rain with disgust. You bike in mist and you feel like you went into a cold sauna, yuck!

Because I somehow can't get my head out of a cloud you will be stuck today with a video. I know, it is exactly what a substitute teacher would do to pacify students. This is really informative and it might even help you become a Washington State consultant to grow you know what. This video is great and by someone who makes really good videos about gardening. AWESOME!


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

FRACK and Wine

What is the worst kind of blog? It's the mommy blog. If you read this for biking content, hold on a minute because I will get there soon.

Vote Here
What's a mommy blog? It is a place where moms vent about how much they hate their kids and wish they were secretly on a deserted island drinking a whole case of red wine. Hey, don't get me wrong but really? These are women who are ungrateful for their working partner and can't stand summer vacation, winter vacation, and anything with a "vacation" in it because it will mean that they will have to devote some major time interacting with their kid/kids.

So what, I have ONE kid and don't understand. You don't know what kids I had to parent before I had one of my own. During our breaks somehow I end up with tons of kids at my house. Not because my friends hate their kids but because we are going to have so much fun together rolling around outside or just a nice quiet moment taking turns sitting on the compost pile. I am sorry, my friends like their kids. They really do. One even has TEN and she loves them all. I have to admit, because both parents love them so much they are good kids.

Yeah, I have met some of those kids with the wino mommies and some of them are scary and crazy. They lack attention and direction. It's sad but somehow giving them  drugs is the solution for them.

Now I am going to ask you to do something hard. Vote for me! I know, you already voted for the blog with the chicken but HELLO I love my kid and would never chug down a case of wine because I hate her. Last week when I was mad it had nothing to do with my kid.

Let's sock it to those other blogs where the blah poo is about kids and let a bike blog win on that site. It would be a total "fluffer nut"in your face mommy blogs. That would be hilarious  I don't offer parenting advice. I bike with a kid and she is normal. She is nice, kind and respectful and that is just called parenting. It is different for everyone but you have to do it if you produce them.

One bit of advice. Instead of drowning your sorrows in wine, go out and chuck the compost pile around, chase after a chicken or even ride a bike to get all that tension out because their is nothing worse than complaining about your kids in public. Better, make those cuddle bunnies work! It can get so creative.  FRACK! (I love Battlestar Galactica)

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Madmax Monday

I know, it's Tuesday but Madmax Tuesday doesn't sound so great.

Okay so I am not mad any more but last week stuff kept building that by Friday I was a bag of explosives I was about to turn green from the inside out and become the Incredible Hulk. I could already see that green person bursting through and throwing everything in sight.

By the time I hit the end of the day Friday I ended up driving a Zipcar metal machine. I was pissed off about not being able to enjoy a nice bike ride to pick up my kid. See me driving and taking a picture. Ugh, then then I ended up behind a speed demon with a dumb bumper sticker. Apparently they had the "out of my way" attitude just to skip three whole cars ahead. I am sure they shaved 5 seconds off their travel time. I am a safe driver. We live in Seattle with zero traffic. What you think is traffic here is nothing. I find driving downtown very provincial. Sorry, but I had a lot of experience driving in San Fran. in my youth and there you have to be speedy or else you won't be able to merge into another lane. When cars like this nut with the sticker think that they HAVE to get three cars ahead just to save time you want to take your u-lock and give their car a good swing. See, how mad I was.

I had a list of things that usually don' t bother me but by Friday I was not happy:

1. Why does it take me 30 minutes less to bike than the bus? See the slow bus.

2. Why do people HAVE to stand at the door when you are on the train with your bike? Why can't they sit down? See this lady. First she stood in the doorway. She could sit down but NO she has to stand there. Oh, she finally moves and sits when TWO seats are available for her tush. She was so involved in her electronic poo.
3. What is with the clocks at the school? We are not allow to pass the 1st dragon gate until it is 8AM on her clock, but my cell phone says 8:06AM. By the time my kid gets up to her class pass the second dragon gate it is 8:11AM. This gives my slow poke kid FOUR whole minutes to organize herself. Why am I not allow to go in pass the first dragon gate if I will stand with my kid until the teacher arrives?

4. Why do little kids insists on ringing the bell on my bike? Although the kickstand is heavy duty and you could climb up there without fear of it falling I am PARANOID it will fall on a small child because the stupid parents thought it was cute to ring it. Do you see me climbing in YOUR car honking your  horn?

5. The final straw!!
I tried to bike home from taking my kid to school I somehow ended up downtown on that idiotic painted bike lane on 2nd Ave. In my head I rationalized that if one car come close to me and almost kills me I was going to play bike polo with their window. After years of having to balance loads of flour, a huge box, frozen chicken, a kid you realize you have much more power. So, I have gotten really good have having a large load, skidding on gravel, getting a snack for my kid and still ride my bike. I had my bike lock ready to smash the lights out of any metal machine. I was MAD!!!

The worst part as I rode this death trap was that if I chose to walk the sidewalk I would be harassed by the countless gross people on the sidewalk. Cat calls galore. Really, you have time to make a cat call when you have oozy stuff coming out of your mouth? Yuck! Another guy was expelling his morning urine on the road like it was nothing. I was thinking, "this city is so backwards".  Who makes these friendly bike paths because it is not a regular person. It is not a mom or a dad biking with kids. It's either someone in a car or some spandexy single person who hasn't come to the realization that their death might  mean something to other people.

I came home, kicked the recycle can a couple of times (Yeah, I was mad at that too because I forgot to put it out), called out to G-d and said, "WHY?!!!". I was crazed. I don't think anyone saw me except a chicken. I spend the morning doing some mean hisbodidus asking G-d to make next week better. Now we are on Tuesday and I have calmed down from the four things I managed to write here. If I wrote the rest of the drama I might get an ulcer.

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, January 28, 2013

Biking Viking or Viking Biking?

Like I said before, I am married to Mr. Peyos who happens to be part Viking. So, this would only mean our offspring would inherit this freak gene too. I get these mornings when I worry about what I am going to do with the kid I schlep on the back of my beer/potato schlepping machine.

Something happens in the house I call "The Event". Our kid goes to sleep early and then refuses to wake up. Then I freak out and think something is wrong because she feels warm. I take pity on her and she ends up with a home day she ultimately regrets because this Tiger Mommy is not letting her slack on homework. Two days later she is much taller. What happened! So, then I worry what am I going to do with her because soon she is going to wake up taller than me. I am not much taller than a hobbit.  At least that is how I feel when I am next to Mr. Peyos. If I want to stare directly in his face I have to go up a few steps on the stairs and make him stand at the bottom.

Indestructibles Option

I know, tall women everywhere are saying it's not fair that this shorty married a tall guy. Well, you want to know what's not fair? She outgrew a pair of Hunter boots faster than you can blink. All is well because we were so happy to pass those pink rain boots to a friend.

So, I have to start thinking options again. I don't want to give up my Clown Bike just because some kid just keeps growing. So, I think I might have to consider several options which would make her HAVE to peddle.

I get slightly POed when people say she should ride 10 miles home after a brain breaking day. This is when I want to shove that person out of their car, taking their car all while honking, "Sucker, now you bike ten miles home!"

The other day I met a lady in front of Trader Joe's with her two kids and she was getting ready to load her chicks into her Nihola Bike. We talked for longer than most people talk to me. It's a Danish bike so I was interested how she like it, how it handled but her kids were cold and wanted to GO! She was nice enough to tell me that she only rode in the Central District/Capitol Hill area. The most important part was, it's heavy. She moved from Palo Alto, CA to Seattle and was having some time adjusting to the hills.

So, I am stuck in my dilemma with the fact that I don't want to just buy another bike.  Decisions Decisions.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Wack that those Weeds

It's Sunday and it's slightly raining. I am not doing blog maintenance today so go ahead and read some of what I think is my best. Read about cats and doping, read about my rage against a grumpy Metro driver, read my boring reason for starting this blog. It has none of the humor of my other post.

After you have had a few laughs at my expense go outside and take a few wacks out of that stupid weed called buttercup. The same one that will eventually give me a rash.

I will be outside in my garden tackling the weeds and will come in briefly when I find out someone's cat pooed in my yard, grrrrr!

These aren't the weeds I am trying to tackle.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Dr Who, ooh ooh woooh..

We survived the bus, biking in the rain and fear of getting rotovirus. Yeah, the radio was all about it. If you don't know what it is, you don't want to know what part of your body gets roto rootered.

Yeah, I love Dr. Who even before David Tennant came along. Tom Baker was my first Doctor.

I know you say no, you must catch up with Downton Abbey season 3. Spoiler Alert! I watched the WHOLE season before this blog started. So, in my world view, stop talking about it because they all hop in the TARDIS (It means: Time and Relative Dimension in Space) at the end of the season. No, really, I did watch the whole season.

In order to keep you entertained while you put your Shabbos meal together watch some videos of two creative/crazy people make a home TARDIS. Yes, Purim ideas.

Good Shabbos!


Thursday, January 24, 2013

Clown Fashion for Bikes

Just the other day I did my weekly jaunt downtown which includes doing the mundane of buying postage so I can pay my bills and looked for "stuff" I need for later projects.

So, if you have been to Target you would have noticed the famous Target bike. Ding Ding Let's Ride a Bike! has some nice shots of this rig. Read her blog. She is awesome because she has a bell and a bike just like mine. Except mine is for hobbit sized people.

Kent put one together for a customer. Read all about it! Based on his assessment it sounds like the bike will be okay but not a long lasting investment. Heck, if this gets someone on a bike I approve. Hopefully the person who owns this bike doesn't hate it later. I remember times I wanted to throw my Trek into Lake Washington because I was so OVER having 3 gears.

So in order to ride you will need to accessorize.

Somehow the florescent hues have made a comeback big time. I managed to snap a photo before Target security tackled me. Look, if people can have "flash mobs" in Target then I can take a picture. As you might have learned, I will take a picture anywhere. I know, I look stupid doing it too.

So, this trend of neon loveliness is nothing of what I experienced in my youth. See the girls on the right. They are what California girls were wearing. Totally Rad! Somehow they would be comfortable to ride in and you would increase your visibility by a ton. I am not going to regress into my teased hair days so I might settle on the newer hues at Target. These clothes have a softness to them. They would even make them appealing for me to wear while riding my bike. I like the brightness but how can I think Spring when it's cold. I had to wear double tights the other day.

Like everything I own I will probably not buy something from this collection out of fear I might drop spaghetti sauce all over them. Yah, I am a sloppy eater.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Capitol Hill Cats are Doping

Taken from our 2001 epic adventure
Last week was big news for people who had their heads in the clouds this whole time about people on a pedestal. Yeah, I am talking about Lance Armstrong (yawn). I have no illusions about sports or people involved in sports. In 1996 Bjarne Riis won the Tour de France. It was big news for Denmark. Danes are proud of arduous sports such as curling, badminton and handball. So, Denmark had something extra new to be proud of.  I am not kidding. In 1996 I was standing at Rådhuset in Copenhagen cheering his Tour de France win. I knew he was probably doping or on drugs. I have no illusions about sports. In 1998 newspapers were all the buzz about his doping. Then again, maybe it was the European media and the fine journalism of Ekstra Bladet. Bjarne really didn't admit to anything until 2007.

So, Lance Armstrong, you are WAY to late in the admission game. Bjarne from Herning beat you to it. What a humble guy right! So, if anything, you should have NEVER believed that Lance Armstrong was doing nothing but doping. I don't know why people are so disappointed  I am only disappointed that my regular radio broadcast was interrupted by Oprah talking to Lance like he was naughty middle schooler. If LA was trying to apologize like a Yid should, then he wasn't doing a good job. He would have to do some serious teshuva and bang his fist really hard into his chest during davening. I never heard an apology. Wait, what does Oprah have to do with it? I don't know, but she has become the guru of all. If Oprah says read a smutty book, then YOU read a smutty book. Yeah, she read THAT one. (I don't have to say which one)

Then Señor Armstrong tried to give the DOJ millions back. Sounds like a bribe. He looked so sad. When he was rejected I offered to take those millions off his hands in a Tweet. Money can be such a burden for some people. I always try to help other humans out through twitter. SEE:
As of right NOW, I don't have any offers coming in. Don't worry, I wouldn't go out and buy a Hummer, but I might go crazy and order a whole bunch of cheese! Oh yeah, and beer for ALL! You are invited to my super duper kosher beer party if I get some moolah out of this man.

Let's go back to the brain of a cat. Yeah, they have it made. They can dope and will get high yield rewards without the need for Oprah to interview them.  Our last Shabbos conversation came to the "drugs" point at lunch. I don't know how we got there but I think it had something to do with the fact that I talked about my trip to the seed store and was going to start putting some plants under my grow light for my spring garden. So, I tell the people at our lunch all about the catnip seeds I didn't buy. I don't know what they do to animals so I inquire. I am at lunch with a cat lover/veterinarian. Basically the cat gets stoned and goes into a state of extremism.  So if the cat is mellow, it will be even more mellow. In the case of the vet's cats, one is so mellow and lovey that it will lie on the ground hugging a teddy bear. Some trip! Or as his wife said, "Nothing happens to the cats, expect they loose a few brain cells". Humm, reminds me of something that is legal. Then again cats aren't driving or operating heavy machinery. Or are they?

Don't Give this cat Catnip!
I spotted this sign in Capitol Hill. See, the owners are in touch with the true nature of their cat. We even biked by Bug yesterday.

So, what I am saying about this whole scandal is that cats are way smarter than humans even if they are nuts. They go, "Hey, catnip, I do that". Cats have the capacity to show you their real intentions. Don't go relying on some superstar athlete to admire. In the end you will be disappointed and have to be glued to your TV screen watching Oprah. How pathetic is that! I am just waiting for Te'o scandal to air on OWN and my radio cast with Rachel Belle will be interrupted yet another time. WHY?!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

@VeloBusDriver I have a bus question

So last week I experimented with posting every day. How did I do? Well, I have a few secrets including the fact that when I am on the bus/train I have a lot of downtime. At least it seems that way. Usually I look out in space, access the safety of taking out my mobile device and then start typing away if the coast is clear.

Back to my bus question.

I was curious if  VeloBusDriver could give me some insight into the phenomenon we experience when we get on this particular bus.

See, the picture is a true representation of how my kid sees the situation. We are happy at the back but if you notice the middle window people are really sad. This was drawn as part of my kids writing journal for school.

This particular route is mostly an articulated bus. If we are unlucky we end up on the bus of doom. The bus of doom is one of the new Hybrid buses and does not have that extra room the articulated buses have. So, we board and sit at the back with all those other hardworking people. When we get to the next stop we start to pack in there like sardines or a clown car. This is where the problem comes in. At this point, the back, where we are sitting is full. Full as in people sitting and standing at the back. Nobody is taking up two seats and we are squooshed. The bus driver then usually announces that she wants more people to move into this area and won't drive until she is satisfied. Nobody fits there. By this time, there is no place for anyone to move. Instead of making this an Express bus it becomes the slow bus because at every stop she continues to let people on and then won't drive because someone is standing in a place she is not okay with. If we manage to get her bus, we ended up late for our transfer and late for school. We attempt to get on an earlier but but this only means we are not allowed to pass the doors of Mordor because the dragon won't let us in. (Meaning, we are at least 25 minutes EARLY, the rest is hard to explain)

My Questions:
What Metro rule says that if people are not allowed to stand anywhere but the back squooshy section? If that is the case why are people allowed to get on the bus?

Is it possible for Metro to make this morning commute bus an articulated one if so many people need to get on?

Is the driver allowed to stop the bus in between stops in order to make her Metro Rules/Regulation announcement? She does this many times for the whole route. It makes me wonder if she had some trauma where a person got stuck in a back door and now she wants to be super duper careful.

Last week it sounded like she got in a fight with someone at the front of the bus. We couldn't hear anything because the noise was muffled by the 15 people trying to stand in the back because they wanted to follow the rules.

Sometimes we have to take the bus, otherwise I could just bike to avoid this problem.

VeloBusDriver, your insight would be appreciated.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Cycletrack Dreaming

Those are trolly tracks all laid out, not the track itself.
Protected Barrier Bike Track
I don't need much. I am pretty content with what I have with few exceptions. What I do dream about, or even drool about is the upcoming cycletrack on Broadway. The feeling of not having to worry about a car running you over is so exciting!

What's a cycletrack? Essentially it is a dedicated roadway for a bike. Cars should not be able to access this space and bicyclist can feel all free and giddy. Oh, you will see me with my giddy sign when this roadway opens but then again I am giddy most of the time. Blame it on all that California sun. Sometimes I smile for no apparent reason. It is a dead Californian sign. I do try to keep a farbisene face like the rest of Seattlites. (The best description is a scrunchy sour face)

Oh, but what to do while we look in wonder at all the construction on Broadway? Well, go out there and make your own cycletrack. This means don't bike next to the curb. You have to assert yourself and take some of the lane. You can even do the sneaky trick of biking behind the downtown trolly train because no cars want to drive behind that thing. I know, the cars will hate you and people in their blue Prius will give you the middle finger but when you are on a bike it's all about visibility. You need the person in the metal machine to see you or else you will be a flat pancake unlike a cartoon.

I also am not advocating taking a can of white florescent pink paint and guerrilla painting Rainier Ave. Although, the thought is oh so tempting. Can you imagine me out there in the middle of the night with gang bangers oh Henderson staring at me. "Yo, hommie, waz shee duing?"

"Yo, I'm making a roadway for bike by shotings". I am sure that will go well and I will be the one put in jail and my hommie peeps will have a hard time laughing and holding their pants up at the same time.

Side story about holding up your pants:
Well, one day we are taking the bus and we ended up sitting in that seat that is in the accordion location of the bus. I'm bored so I ask my daughter if she sees anything interesting to sketch. Oh, I spy with my eye a photo. For one, nobody ever notices when we take pictures on the bus. People are WAY into their electronic doo to notice. So, like a ninja we take one, two, three, skip to 6 photos, even with flash of some wanna be gang banger talking into his PINK iphone while trying to hold his pants UP. Apparently, he has to hold up his pants even in the seated position. Photo opp is over and we start discussing LOUDLY which photo captures his charm and elegance. My daughter rationalizes that he must have stolen the phone, but I counter with, "he must like pink, hence the cover of the phone". My kid retorts with, "If he likes pink so much then why is his underwear not pink?". That is how we leave the conversation. Instead we focus our attention and telepathically transmit our thoughts about the guy sitting directly facing us. Me, "Wow, is his hair fluffy!"  My kid, "I think he is worried about us taking a picture of him".  By that time our telepathic conversation is over and we are getting off the bus.

Back to the cycletrack. I can' t seem to wrap my head around what this will mean for people getting off the bus and them being body slammed by a bike taco. I am a geek and looked at the city plans and understand that the stops will have islands but I have no doubt this bike path is going to be the new "danger"in Seattle. Soon, we will take all the attention away from the dumb people who cross the light rail tracks on Martin Luther King in illegal spots.

So if you are cycle curious look and dream at the designs for this on the Seattle Street car website. Brought to you by the same fine people who also made up South Lake Union Transit before they realized what in shorted form it meant and changed it.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

It's Alive: I'm talking about the Burley

It's Sunday. We had a nice Shabbos I will name the "silent Shabbos". Basically, this meant I reserved my best/worst options to my brain and if I opened my mouth I asked my husband to stab me with a fork  so I don't regret saying anything I WILL regret. Don't worry, it's not abuse.

Sunday has turned out to be nice. I took the Burley out of storage loaded it with stuff to teach a garden class to my friends who were the only ones who showed up to the event. When you try to get Jews to show up to something you have to entice them with FOOD. Yeah, I said it. We have this love/hate relationship with it. First we are like, oy it's a fast day and then we are oy, it's Yom Tov. So, I am either obligated to eat something or nothing. That can really cause some major eating issues if you are not careful. So, I taught a class on how to grow food so there was nothing to eat, just dirt. Don't eat dirt.

I was glad to make use to the Burley because despite the fact that I have basically murdered the thing by schlepping all kinds of stuff in it including the time I loaded it with bags of compost, I was still able to load it will all my stuff to teach my garden class. So, here is the trailer I loaded and pushed down the hill to my house like a hobo. I am not making fun of homeless people. In fact, I have gotten my best schlepping techniques from some who hang out outside Safeway.

Thanks for making something that I can still use!

Again, I apologize to people seeing my blog today and all the different layouts I try to experiment with.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Spandex is Allowed Here

Only because King 5 has a way of provoking me with awarding winning news.

In this case Spandex is Allowed

Go ahead and watch the whole thing including an interview with the singers daughter. She is cute. My problem is that they forgot to turn up the volume on the bass, guitar and the drummer is not making use of the whole kit. Was this intentional? Was it to not to shock that Bubby sitting in the front. I know, it's shocking enough to witness the spandexy leopard print but come on, let them wail!  It's like the version you sing to a baby. If you are a young impressionable girl, look away! If you are a nanny and need to get your baby to sleep put this on a loop. I guarantee instant sleepy time.

So, while you are in your kitchen putting together the same cholent you say "it smells so bad", listen to this. FYI, the one thing that does smell bad is that jar of gefilte fish you plan to regift on Purim.

Good Shabbos!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Thursday Twit

A long time ago before their was Twitter and Facebook I was chatting with people via my modem. You know, the olden times when you would use your dial up modem to call another person. Not so olden because we had electric pencil sharpeners.

I used to also geek out with an HTML book and learn code. I told you I'm old, even older than your kombucha mother.
Skip to now where everything is a button and if I want to do something I just "click". These days they hire people to the stuff we are too lazy to learn.

Most recently I wanted to expand my readership not just to my mother and my BFF. Hi, I love you!  Well, Mr. Peyos knows all about these new things in the universe so I have a Twitter account and learned all about bitly, which sounds really Israeli.

Falafel in Haifa

Don't eat the falafel in Haifa just in case you didn't know.

It is true. I have a lack of patience for things when I have more glamorous things like cleaning my bathroom and folding laundry.

I am on twitter in order to please the need to follow me. My twitter feed it's up there in the top left side of the page where nobody will see it unless you squint really hard and do a few jumping jacks. Now go! I'm too lazy to move it this week. So, I am asking you to subscribe either in my twitter feed or just plain out subscribe. Don't be shy. It doesn't cost money and I don't have in your face ads everywhere and the only time you will hear me talk about stuff is when my free cheese from (Delivery Service I will not name) comes rolling in.

So, follow me on twitter and besides posting the link to my latest and greatest I might even come up with a not so witty tweet. Better, I will make it offensive.

Follow Me

Next week I will do a treasure hunt to find my twitter icon on my page.

Peace out!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

You see lunch, I see a toliet

So, I am much in the style of the mother who raised me. Now, had she ridden a bike when we were younger then life would have been more awesome, but we needed a van. For a while, my mom was in the habit of schlepping along her offspring along with our cousins. Before the law could get us she would pack all 10 of us and take us to Santa Cruz to stare at the hippies on Pacific Ave. and shake our heads at the surfers by the beach. Sometimes we would bring along my grandmother who was more than willing to allow us to bury her almost completely in the sand except for her head. She would lie down, take a nap and wake up buried alive. Any opportunity she would allow us to play with her that granted her the ability to take a nap she was there.

Once we were done doing that my mom would take us for "ice cream" while the hippies stared at this 5 foot woman open the door of the van and we would all rush out screaming and jumping. So people saw a lady with ten kids. So, what you see is your perception.

The other day I was walking past my favorite bus stop. The route I name the gift to the bus drivers union. I saw a lady pass me and wave to a far window where people were gleefully enjoying lunch. It was pretty shocking the person smiled and waved back. I checked out the name of the lunch venue and started to get confused. Wait, is that a toilet on the front of a bicycle? Oh no! It's a bakfiets toilet. I also confused because of the name of this fine eatery. Does that say poo bike? I don't know. I am not a linguist, only married to one. The linguist told me it's not poo but pronounced "fuhh" and it's soup.

So Davey Oil, this toilet bike is for you or at least a response to your potty training toilet. Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Eat some huevos

We are obsessed with old quotes from our haunts to different Trader Joe's and the one we ALWAYS seem to remember is the guy doing check out at Trader Joe's who has a need to say, "Don't forget to check your huevos dude". So, it's hard not to look at the roar of my breakfast eggs and think huevos.

This is one of those post you shouldn't read too much into but maybe you are wondering what fuels us on our bike rides. Our health advice is not for everyone.

A friend asked me what we eat during the week. I had to think long and hard about this. Our food choices vary from week to week.  Some weeks we work on our horse diet: oats, apples, cereal and milk (almond milk for the milky sensitive, meaning ME). Unlike Mr. Peyos who has Danish genes, I am less tolerant of drinking milk in it's rawest form. As a kid, my mother tried to imbue us with healthy eating or was it hippy eating.

Side story about Hippy Eating: 
As a kid we used to do our shopping for certain staples at a really hippy health food store (Remember, this is California). We would be taken in the store and let loose because this meant CANDY time! Oh, but you don't know what we thought what was candy. The store had these self service bins just like at PCC and we were allowed to pick one. Well, the one we always picked were the "chocolate chips". Humm, you might be suspicious of these hippy 'chocolate chips".  We would share less than 1/4 of a pound of these yummy treats. Well, it wasn't until I got older and wiser and had play dates away from home did I realize it was CAROB. How could she trick us!!! She also did this with ice cream. As a child, my intolerance for regular milk was worse and the doctor advised my mother to get me some goat milk and maybe yogurt. So, we ate frozen yogurt we thought it was real ice cream. My little sister doesn't remember any of this. She insist people get her name wrong and someone called her Hemp the other day. Well, now I understand. They could smell the hippy on her.

Back to our current eating. In the morning the two twins, Mr. Peyos and mini Peyos like to eat oats, raisins and milk. I'm talking about raw oats, not cooked! I know, we are not normal. Then again, the other day I came downstairs to find my kid and her BFF enjoying oats that way. When mini Peyos gets to that stage in life where she is looking for a shidduch (that means husband) the following will have to be in her questionnaire;

1. Will you sit down with me and eat raw oats, raisins and milk? 

It's weird we have NO toy bikes, just Princesses and Horses.

Okay, but what do I eat? I like to boil some eggs and put some really hot sauce on them. I then like to down a whole handful of almonds, followed by about 2 cups of coffee and a lot of tea. This pretty much last until I need a snack and I down a whole bag of baby carrots. I have this habit of making a lot of crunching sounds when eating. One day during a full staff meeting I was hungry and took out my carrots and started chewing. I guess the sound was enough for the big boss man to stop, look at me and laugh. I was SO sorry, "Sorry, Mr. H." Oh but I had all that liquid and I am going to go out riding on my bike. The bathroom situation will be a whole post on its own.

Can you see a pattern of foods we eat. I know, I didn't give the whole blown out list of our refrigerator but we eat stuff with protein and fiber. Oh, we LOVE fiber. It give a whole meaning to the after potty Bracha (We Jews thank G-d for everything. Even our bodily functions), if you know what I mean.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Where is my Cheese?

It's been over a week and somehow I don't have oodles of offers for FREE cheese from (delivery service). Oh well, but somehow Hashem took pity on me and gave me ample fish options that are not sardines. So, my freezer is swimming in all sorts of fishy fishiness.

Side note about Looking the Bright Side of Life: You know, the English really enjoy singalongs. It is one of those things that is never going to go out of fashion. So, if life is on the dumps sing along to some edited PG Monty Python because I am pretty sure the original lyrics have some words you don't want your kid repeating unless they are outside with you dumping chicken (beep) into the compost bin.


To top my cheese woahs, our Shabbos guest canceled over some nonsense called the flu. So now we have a plethora of gefilte fish already made my neshama has no interest in eating during the week, go figure.

Still no cheese offers coming my way. I was even forced to go out and buy a five pound block myself, whaaa, boo hoo. (Delivery Service I won't name, send me some queso!) Whatever!

FYI, the same place selling this cheese was also selling frozen gefilte fish at the price of a bazillion dollars a pound. Then again this was in the "whitest" part of town. Look, I live in the Rainier Valley where everything is interesting and has a smell. Somehow the North End where I bought this cheese smells like nothing and doesn't peak my interest. We lived one year there where the Burke Gilman trail is king. If I lived in the North End I would have nothing to ponder about except for the fact I don't smell anything. ¡Nada!

Now, for the shocker! Look at the price tag on that 5lb block. Oh, it must be surprising to my non kosher readers. Yes, that is what we pay for the price of cheesy yumness although I have to rate this brand of cheese as nothing more than a block of rubbery cheese stuff.

I should have followed my gut and waited until Mr. Peyos could get me some from the brand called Natural and Kosher. Look, I am not being paid to praise anything.

So, we are starting our week with new adventures and something new to talk about.

Happy Monday!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Change is Good

I hate to admit, I like changing stuff around, including the look of my blog. So, I just want to apologize for the headache in advance to all those lovely people looking at this blog, including YOU Norway! No, hits from Denmark, oddly enough. Maybe I should talk about my in-laws there. Then again, NO!

So, thank you for understanding when you see 10 different formats of this blog on Sunday!

This is an actual true representative of what we look like by our kid. So when you go back and read all about Mr. Peyos being plastered all over an elderly woman's car you can just imagine the cartoon below.

Hello From Seattle!

Friday, January 11, 2013

Bike Taco

The official photographer for this blog has been in search of several opportunities to take pictures of examples. She is way more capable of taking pictures from her plush seat than me alone trying to balance my clownie bike. Sadly, I think we will only get a bike taco photo once the weather lets out and everyone and their grandma come out of the woodwork to bike all over the city. Don't you love that. People pick the time when they will get the most shvitzy to start biking.

Quiz Side Note: What about my vocabulary quiz? Oh, but Mr. Peyos is so busy and then when we have last minute events happen it affects the whole dynamic of our house. I like planning so when things go another way I pump my fist in the air and go, "why?", followed by dramatic music in my head. It's all in my head.

Get your taco on!
So what is this Bike Taco? Not to get confused with Taco Truck. Apparently Seattle Met has the need to tell us how to navigate Seattle's many taco trucks. Mexicans all over are laughing at us. Mijo, those gringos will never learn. What's so hard about putting beans and whatever in a tortilla? Why do I need tripas when I can just plain out have kiske. Heck, I will even make the tortillas. Yonatan, I know where to get some kosher tacos. I feel slightly like a pusher, pushing tacos. (not made in a taco truck). Tienes que hablar español para comer tacos aquí. ja, ja, ja (that's me laughing in Spanish)

Back to the bike taco. It's the result of wearing spandex too tight and you end up with muffin top everywhere. Everywhere? Yes, everywhere. I have seen it. Neck, wrist, ankles. Don't pretend we aren't looking. It's hard not to. It's even harder to bike behind. It throws off my whole rhythm. This turtle bike rider has a rhythm.  I end up going woah, followed by inadvertently ringing my bell, ding ding. If you see me, ring your invisible bell and quickly swoosh past me at a high speed so I won't know what hit me. It will be like when the nurse says, "oh, I'm done giving you a shot". My bell finger has bike taco radar, be forewarned.

If my photographer get's done with her homework and stops eating her snack maybe she will come up with a picture.

Good Shabbos!

Up Next, Change is Good..

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Lock Your Bike! (I'm talking to YOU with the blue Trek)

See, people will even steal your ugly seat
After school one day we made it to the downtown library. We did our regular rounds including the gift shop. I am a big supporter of shopping local, including the search for gefilte fish. By now they know we are going to buy a gift for someone. Don't rule out your gift buying at the library.

So we made our rounds, made sure our fines are below $15. This is new. If you have more than $15 in fees you are blocked from borrowing books. You are BANNED!

On our way out I tell my daughter that once we are outside we are going to do a treasure hunt. Oh she gets excited! It's not exactly what she thinks. We are going to hunt for unlocked bikes. Boring! Then again, she is always game and in her head she is calculating how many Squinkes she could get, since Target is just around the corner.

She wins the prize because she finds the easiest bike a potential robber could take. (Set to the music of Jaws, doooo do, doooo do) The pink hand is reaching out for your Trek. See, it's a U-lock and somehow they forgot to lock it. This has happened to me but it wasn't so obvious. Then again, taking my rig with the trailer would be a pain.

She also found the green bike:

Now, if your eight year old says to you. You could cut that lock with scissors, you know the lock is bad. After watching me patch a flat, take the wheel off the bike lickety split in the pouring rain my kid claims that in order to take a wheel you just flick the quick release, giggle (not to get confused with jiggle) a little and TADA! You have yourself a wheel. Now I am really taking about the front one. The back one is so easy but requires a little more effort, more giggling.

Here is my question. What do people do with these stolen wheels? Do they really get enough money at the pawn shop or is the resell value a lot?

After investing in "stuff" for my bike I can understand stealing certain items to resell on Craigslist. I was stupid enough to accidentaly leave a really crappy cell phone in a bike pannier and someone stole that.

What would be on my list as a thief? A Brooks Saddle. I hate to say, when you leave your lovie dovie bike out there you have to think like a thief. "Humm, would a rasha take this?"

IKEA Stool 1 Creative Chair Design: IKEAs Dalfred Stool with Brooks Saddle
Turn your Ikea Furniture into real tush comfort
At first glance people go, oy it's so hard. Why don't I get a nice sqooshy gel seat? Yuck! For one, with lots of riding, the seat molds to your tush with a Brooks! Yes, I said it. It leaves a wonderful comfy imprint. I wish all my furniture was a Brooks saddle.

Anything that can be taken off easily will be taken. Lights, bell, plastic flowers, panniers, just to name a few. Mr. Peyos claims nothing has ever been stolen off his bike in the USA.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

When is Snowmageddon 2013 going to hit?

Cliff Mass, give me the weather report. Who is that? Well, it is my weather source. Usually he is right about what is going to happen but has admitted, it's not perfect. Then again, as we get closer to the "event" it looks less likely to happen. This always happens. My kid is dreaming of a snow day despite the fact we just got back from winter vacation. BTW, who has three day school week? It is a completely useless way to come back from a "winter break".

So, before you go out on your bike without a poncho take a look at King 5's weather radar and do your research. I know, it shows how the rain will move over our heads but it really doesn't say what kind of rain it is. Seattle has sprinkle rain, misty rain, cold hard rain, and the kind of rain that will soak your tights. It's pretty self explanatory. So this will be how I will categorize rain on this blog. Tuesday was misty rain, yuck. They all are yuck.

For the oh so paranoid who need to know if it is snowing up there on Capitol Hill take a look at the City of Seattle's Traffic Camera. You can find out what the road looks like north south or even spot stalled buses. One Bus Away is a great app but doesn't seem to work during our extreme weather conditions. Yeah, I said it. EXTREME.

Take a look at this snow. In 2008 the Rainier Valley was completely abandoned and left to deal on their own. Bless the souls at PCC. They showed up and opened the store to service the community. Do you remember our garbage pile up?

2008 Snow
Oh no! You can't bike in that! Yes, you can. I don't think I tried to bike in this because it was so much more fun to walk in. Then we have those years that the executive decision is made that we WILL have school so we biked in 2010.

Snow 2010
Look at that. Trailer in tow down Rainier Ave on the sidewalk. I told you to not ride on the sidewalk but in this case it was okay. Sure, we made it to our school destination only for school to be canceled two hours into it. This is always my fear. We get to school, it starts snowing and school is canceled. The buses don't work on the slip and slide road and cars are even worse. The City of Seattle ALWAYS  tells people to ride the bus when we get weather like this and you ended up waiting longer than the time it could take to walk to your destination. Don't take the bus, just bike. Oh, and the Light Rail works fine when it snows.

Up Next, Lock Your Bike! (I'm talking to YOU with the blue Trek)..

Monday, January 7, 2013

The Quest for Gefilte Fish

With the whole Zipcar takeover I am going to have to buckle down and bike more. I get a gurgley sense that this takeover is not going to fair well for customers.

Since Hanukkah I have been really l.....a......z....y.  That is how I characterize the speed at which I ride these days. When the lady with the stripped socks passed me, then I knew something was wrong. Oh, I was tempted to take a picture of her stripped sock madness  but I was biking so slow behind her. I was like a turtle. She didn't even hear me when I mumbled to her, "get a bell". The wind makes me slightly deaf in one ear and saying, "on your left" does nothing for me. The only reason I knew something was behind me was because I could hear the crunch squeak of her chain. I should have mumbled, "put some lube on that thing".

Anyhooo, all those latkes set me back a few decades in bike speed. It could be age, I am not getting any younger. Oh, I think I see a wrinkle.

A & B is Delicious!
So, I have been on a quest for Gefilte Fish. (Insert your favorite dramatic music. I will even sing along... do do do dooo, do do dooo..). If you are a Yid I know what you are about to say. Ohhh, get it delivered to you by (Delivery Service will not be mentioned unless they will give me FREE 5lb blocks of Munster cheese every week in exchange for advertising). I know, I am horrible.

The other place I could score some gefilte fish takes effort to get to, plus if I am going to bike anywhere I need to multitask. Alton Brown has so much to say about multitasking and I really need more motivation than that yummy frozen loaf. Oh yeah, the kind in the jar is no good. You might as well surrender and eat sardines the rest of your life.

As we call this in our house, "Old man fish"

Side story about sardines:
Not too long ago I was out getting our usual Shabbos fare at Trader Joe's and needed fish. Well, we have two options for fish these days since my gefilte fish is not getting any closer to my house. The first option is smoked salmon. Yikes, did you look at that price tag and the other option? Sardines. Okay, so I am standing in line and this old man standing right behind me peers into my basket and says, "you have a cat". It was like he was a detective and discovered my secret. I told him, "No, why do you ask?". He says, "Why did you buy so many sardines?". Yeah, well it was so delightful someone in line was talking to me I didn't care. There you go, my husband is really a cat. Now you all know. How did my cat manage to get a beard and peyos?

Watch the Itche Kadoozy
Back to my GF dilemma. The stores I can potentially buy GF are not multitask places.  Oh, but I am so picky about my gefilte fish. First of all, my daughter had the worst GF on the planet when she was a baby and after that refused to shove another piece into her mouth.  So, it has to be the frozen kind. If you know a place between Capitol Hill and the Rainer Valley where I can buy GF tell me now! No, I won't bike to Saar's.

In the meanwhile. Watch an entertaining video of a talking gefilte fish. Shout out to G-Fish. (Do do doo do doo, do do doo do doo.........)

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Sunday Review while we wait for our quiz

I know, I know. I promised a quiz. Well, it's not going to happen right now because Mr. Peyos went on some man trip with other manly men and I didn't wake up before he left for shul to ask him about it. So you are stuck with ME and all those mysterious words I insert here from time to time.

On Friday I was asked to substitute. I know, it sounds crazy because it was early Shabbos. So, I went just to be helpful and get paid. Last time I subbed I made significantly less than my Seattle Public Schools job. I loved working at the public Middle School I was at. If I love it so much, why am I not there? Well, in my second year I was going to be cut from the school budget and this gave me an ulcer.  I couldn't deal with all this up and downs. Tell me if I am going to have a job SPS!

So I biked there to my substitute job. I contemplated taking the bus then I remembered that it might get crazy in the afternoon and I wanted to make it home when I was done and get home with my kid.

So, I though, hey, let me bike my old "crazy bike way". I decided to revisit that slip and give you some pictures.

Here you go:

This is my starting point. At the end you can hardly see the round about (FYI, this does NOTHING to stop people from speeding down this hill), a garbage truck and Seattle City Light truck fixing some pole. Yeah, it looks little from this vantage point.

Here is the spot where I fell. You can just imagine me and my Fuji. I was walking and snapping these shots. I ain't no crazy lady. I can't handle biking down and hill and taking a picture.

Up Next,  The Quest for Gefilte Fish..

Friday, January 4, 2013

Ice, Ice, baby...

Okay, I am not so tough. I have days when a certain bike fear creeps over me. Well, my fear comes from experience.

Sure, I regret not biking this day. What ice?

No, it's not fear of Ms. Metro Grumpy Pants. Although, we were about to board a bus she was driving and we decided to walk to another street to catch a different route. I could have taken her bus and plastered her sad face here (that is definitely my yetzer hara speaking), but NO we took another bus and enjoyed the afternoon.

Ice going downhill

So what is my fear? Ice! No, not that ice found in a cool glass of vodka, but ice on the ground.  What? So I was pretty brave until I slipped on ice going up a hill and then a second time going down a hill.

Uphill Slip
How could I have possibly slipped going up a hill? Well, it happened with the first Seattle bike incarnation. It was of those early Shabbos winter days and I was in a hurry. I was trying to get from Sam Smith Park up to 31st Ave. Right outside the park is a hill I can bike up if I get enough momentum. It's downhill on the sidewalk and uphill. Here I go and woah!!! I didn' t see that black ice. In most places in the city it melted but here it retained it's form. The fall was not too horrible because I was on an uphill so I kinda fell sideways. Nothing broke so instead of wondering what happened I huffy puffed all the way home. Shabbos day I realized I had a huge bruise on the left side of my body. Nothing worse than limping to shul.

I have so many of these stickers.
Downhill Slip
I have to admit. I LOVE going downhill. It's so fun. Wheeeeee! Okay but this was not one of those times. I was again alone on the bike and was biking north on 42nd Ave near Genesse Park. I was about to go downhill with a car behind me and there I go slipping on ice again. Yeah well, Baruch Hashem nothing happened. What do I do once I realize the car behind might roll over me? I ninja roll myself out of the road and on to the curb. You know when kids love rolling down a grassy lawn? I kinda did this but with asphalt.  By this time my love affair with my Fuji was over and someone was going  down in this accident. Hey, I' m ALIVE!!!! The car behind me stopped and the person in the metal machine asked me if I was okay. I told them I was fine. They waved and all I remember from their car was one of those orange 3 feet bike stickers. So every time I go downhill in the winter I go slow or just walk down the hill with the bike. I'm a sissy, I know.

What is the mashul? Ice is scary.

Okay, Have a Good Shabbos or Shabbat Shalom!

Up next, Vocabulary Quiz Administered by Mr. Peyos....

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Taking the Clown Bike on the Train

Like I said in my other post, I wanted to be more mobile. With anything longer than a normal bike you limit your options. My current clown bike is too heavy to be accommodated on the bus bike rack, but that's okay. What I do like is that I can take it on the train. I have been doing this for some time. I can easily bike to one of the Link Light Rail Stations and get on the train with it.

Now their are several problems with this scenario. As awesome as the light rail is, they forgot that it was going to have to accommodate people with luggage, bikes and Seahawks/Sounders fans. The bike situation requires that you know the sports schedules and peak hours of work/school commute. For the most part, I have avoided large crowds.

I didn't have the bike this time. That red suitcase is in the spot the lady with the wheelchair should sit.  The people with the suitcase were unwilling to move for her.
Sound Transit made these trains to accommodate a hanging bike. I have lots of problems with this hook. For one, the space is not truly dedicated for bikes. It is used on a first come first serve basis. So, if their is luggage there you have to stand with your bike and make sure you can move so passengers can get on or off the train. Sure, I have no problem with this. Second, my bike is heavy. The whole set-up is much lighter than my trailer rig but because it is compacted into one bike I can't possibly lift it like my older bikes. Heck, one of my bikes is so light my kid can lift it.

So, I have to stand with the bike. So what, this doesn't bother me at all. I can take it on the train, that is well worth it to me.

Then comes the tale of the grumpy Metro Bus Driver. Wait a minute! I am on the train, that is Sound Transit. Metro and Sound Transit really have no authority over each other. So, one day I am on the train on the way back home with my kid and we are standing politely on the train out of the way. In walks a disgruntled Metro bus driver. Despite the fact that we are standing with the bike out of the way she starts to yell at me and my kid. Now, if I was alone I wouldn't care, but because she turned her wrath on an 8 year old in her cute pink coat I was mad. Well, this made me fume!

This lady goes on about how we are breaking the rules. I figured, I am just going to get off the train and wait for another one, but then my kid was scared of moving passed this women. I told her I could stand here with my bike. She insisted I hang the bike. I told her, it's not possible. She didn't get it. I dared her to lift the bike with her pudgy hands and arms. She went on and on. I knew she had no authority.

What does she do in the end. She shoves me and my kid to get off the train. NOBODY was on the train that day, she could have easily got out the other door. Nothing was blocking her. I thought, I will get out too and find security and report her as an insolent passenger.

We get off the train and it was empty on the platform. WHY?!!!! Whatever, let me calm down, get my kid on the bike and bike away. So we walk out of the platform. I am a BIG rule follower so I would never bike on the platform. I get down the street and think, heck let's just get back on the train. I did nothing wrong. She harassed ME! I paid my fare. I am a rule follower.

So we bike a little and get back on the train. I get home and immediately call Sound Transit to ask them nicely about the bike/train rules. I know there is a camera on everything these days so if they ever review that they will see this Metro driver shoving me.

Here are the rules:

1. Bikes are ALLOWED on the train.

2. You can bring the bike on the train in ANY door. Yes, that includes the one without the bike symbol.

3. If you get on the train and can't get your bike on the hook you must stand with it.

That was it. Sound Transit told me that I have to use common sense in every situation. I was told I broke NO rules! I complained about this Metro driver and was told that on the train she is considered another passenger.

So, this happened but I am still mad that this lady was mean to a kid doing nothing! We are considerate of other people but something in me said to her, "yell at these people". I learned a lesson and even got a chance to practice my "don't yell" skills.

This Metro driver is out there and she hates bikes, people and kids, but since she drives the bus she gets to experience the joy of waiting for all kinds of people to get on her bus.

Have a great day Grumpy Metro Driver!

Up next, Ice, Ice Baby.....

Bike Escape: Fay Bainbridge Park 2019

I went camping without kids. How did I manage that? (insert shrug) One of the old time pedal parents went with me. Our schedules for this ...