Monday, March 25, 2013

Pesach is......

So we have come to the point where my house is clean for Passover. In fact, we had the whole thing done before Shabbos. I feel weird how much I did before hand but it's nice. What is not nice is that somehow my internal alarm clock recognizes a weekday and suddenly wakes me up at 5am. Their is absolutely nothing I can do about it but get up. I start my day early and want to end my day even earlier. I hate it when people call me at crazy times, you know, after 9PM.

During Pesach I will be tuning out to the internet world starting tonight until April 2nd in the evening. Consider this a vacation from ME.

If you are arriving to this very bikey Jewy blog now, I say you go back and orientate yourself on some of my finest work. You can read my really dull reason for starting the blog, you can read my efforts to get free cheese and a bike.

I have so much there for you to peruse. I even have my theory about Lance Armstrong which didn't get  many page views.  I have so much for your potty enjoyment.

In the meanwhile I will not be eating donuts and enjoying lots of raw veggies and all that chard from my garden because I don't know if I want to spend another cent in the store.

Chag Sameach People!

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Blogging for Gold, "Sweet butter!"

Usually I don't mention the bloggy side of this blog. The other day I hit blogging gold. So far we have been pretty bus friendly these days except for the really windy day where I spent a large amount of time on my bike. During this time I was away from technology. So, I have my ipod set to receive phone calls but hardly anyone ever calls that number. I do have a select few friends who can reach me there if it is really necessary. I received a message while I was out. I couldn't listen to the message so Google Voice has a handy tool where you can read the message. Something is wrong because this is what the speech to text decided I need to hear from my friend:

"Hi Shelley, it's, (friend's name omitted), I have a question favor Floria, I'm We have some plans that are coming intotown for by fax. Just found out yesterday are excited. How ever. It is very alarming. To Us, to have,everything all day and everything on the off and I'm wondering if you guys might have any of room, atwhat I'd like the day meals or something for that, possibly Duxbury. So we tested a shutdown wing.They have two little girls and the baby 6 months old baby 8 months house, actually now it So if that iseven a possibility that very sweet use of butter. Braids for that. Learn it, sweet family exactly like ontheir way. mcNally out or going back to throw that hung up before So if you set that up remotepossibility. So if you could give me a call. Let me know. Thank you so much and hope you're well.Okay bye."

This is exactly how the msg. was transcribed. Wow, where is Duxbury? I don't know any McNally Jews. I like that she just assumed we had sweet butter. This is our new household catch phrase, "sweet butter!"

Also, did you know that technology is so advanced people are able to travel by fax? Honestly, you thought Star Trek was so advanced but what kind of paper do I put in that machine to get a person out?

Anyways, after actually listening to the message I figured out that my friend wanted me to host a meal during Pesach. Yes, we would be happy to have them over after Mr. Peyos gets a run down of who these people are. Don't you love how sometimes technology goes wrong. 

Friday, March 22, 2013


Maybe in one post I might have mentioned that I hate last minute anything. Some things you can not help, like real last minute. I am talking about the bleeding or the injured variety, not the too lazy to figure it out kind.

In order to avoid last minute Pesach cleaning I actually start thinking, working and planning WAY ahead. This means my life can be normal and have the same schedule.

Yesterday I finished the final cleaning of my kitchen and needed a break. I have some time before I pick up my kid to do small errands. Well, I took a trip to Capitol Hill to say my final goodbye to Half Price Books. After that I took a walk down Broadway which is always interesting. Some guy yelled, "my lady won't stick it in her neck". He also mentioned another place but I won't go there.

I went into stores I usually bike by and found the mother of all toys, a pink skateboard with speakers. WOW! Now if they only had this as roller skates I would be there at the cash register so fast.

So, in the mist of Pesach preparations I had time for a brief walk, yeah for me. Now back to work.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Lost/NOT Found Watch

Last week I was offered the use of a Bullitt bike. Yes, THAT bike. The one I drool over. So, far I haven't borrowed it but I would like to soon. I have so much to do and it's not fun. I am not going to extremes to clean for Pesach but I do have to do stuff that is necessary and it can get involved.

Right now we are at the "No food in the house" mode. We have food of a certain variety. The food is in the veggie and fruit category. I ate eggs for breakfast but I am a little tired of eggs and want lunch. The temperature dropped and I am cold and don't want to turn the heater on and really feel lazy about biking today. I am bummed because I ran out of all things in the fermented category and we are really close to drinking all that beer my hubby made. So, things are dismal until I get the kitchen Kosher for Passover.

I set out a table with foods people need to eat. I think the oats are almost done and someone is going to have to eat those sardines. Nobody is going to subsist off of salt so I am left with sunflower seeds for lunch. I also have some cheese in the frig that needs to be consumed. I caved and bought some bars for my kid to have for breakfast. Since I don't buy nutritional bars, as I see them not very healthy. I object to buying them normally but I am getting desperate.

As you can see, we also have a variety of other non food stuff on that table. A Zuzu pet that somehow was in a drawer with those raisins. I am still looking for my watch so if ANYONE has seen it please let me know. I bought it in 1999 when I worked in real estate and I was making all the money and my husband was the housewife. He is so good at making food. I miss those times. So, back then this watch cost me a fortune but it didn't matter because our rent was a measly $300/month and we didn't have a kid. I hate buying new things again. It was a good watch. I only had to change the battery every five years and I managed to not break it when I fell off my bike. I did cave in and buy another one because I need to know what time it is and somehow I have not caught on to the trend of checking the time on my phone. My new watch is not the same brand but I bought it as a temporary replacement for the one I love so much. I did go to Macy's and was about to buy a Skagen brand one but the lady there doubted I had the money for it and I just thought that was rude. I will tell you, Nordstroms has excellent customer service. I once walked in there looking rather hobo like and the salesperson helped me and I bought myself a nice pair of snow boots. If you see my watch, let me know. Telepathy works well.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Math Night

Math Night Peeps
Thursday should not have gone down the way it went but I just thank my lucky stars I had my bike with me.  The day began "easy" enough.

At this point I had already cleaned my room for Pesach days ago. In that room are sitting our million dollars shmura matzos which is always what I think is a fortune. It consist of a large chunk of our food budget for what will be a little more than a week of Pesach foodiness. I don't understand why a 1lb box of matzah cost more than $21 dollars. I can only imagine the wife of the man who owns this business wearing her every day diamond encrusted earrings and drinking tea from her gold plated china. I always start my Pesach purchase with matzah and then I can look back and think, I know I DO NOT need partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil Pesach cookies.  This is my special tradition and nobody suffers from my meals during the week. Everyone is happy and our digestive tract stays on tract because our diet will be in the veggie and fruit category.

So, after my room comes my eight year old´s room. We do a fair good of keeping it clean but I dreaded the day that I had to do the big clean out  I start with her closet and start dumping all those toys out onto the middle of the floor. It doesn't look pretty. When she was little she had a grand old time hiding challah rolls but now she knows better but still likes to take a snack in her room. So, I was afraid of what I would find. I was impressed because this year I found nothing but four nuts and a strange tin of dirt Yes, dirt. I found a tin of dirt. I asked her about it and she had no idea so I am guessing this happened when she had a friend over.

After spending a whole three hours in the midst of Polly Pocket, Squinkies and Lego Friends it was clean and shiny in a way that only a mommy can be happy about. My next agenda item was to re-pot the plants under my grow light but I decided to have lunch before I went to pick up my kid and her friend. On my bikey way I found what seems to be a new place to consume beer here in the Rainer Valley. Anyone know when this will open? It looked nice inside but so close to Pesach I have other things on my mind besides beer, plus I am all out of sauerkraut and am left with drinking kombucha. I might wither without my fermented yummyness.

In any case, I will leave out the drama and skip to Math Night. Well, they scheduled it on Pie Day, harharhehe. It is basically a day where you get to let your kids run wild all over the school gym. It is really too exhausting to come straight back after school one hour later to engage my kids brain with math but we got every year with the same result, a really cranky kid. So after I played about as many math games I could in order to get a raffle ticket for my kid (she won NOTHING), we left and bought a delicious cream pie. I am voting to skip Math Night next year and eat pie.

Here is a partial view of her closet neat and tidy, the way I want it. I am going to allow her to play outside and roll in the dirt and not touch anything until Pesach. For you ultra frumness, those dishes have never seen the likes of real food so don't go telling me that we need to put them away.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

All that Methane I make when I bike

Twitter goes by so fast but something caught my eye. Apparently some douche politician Ed Orcutt claimed that bicycling is not good for the environment but then he recanted but in no way apologized. Bikes are to blame for everything. We don't pay enough tax, we use the road for free and don't freaking PAY. Contrary to bike haters very few of us live 100% without a car. Our family doesn't own one but when you borrow a Zipcar or a Car2Go you end up paying taxes. The Zipcar bill has an added car rental tax. Nothing is free at the store either but somehow I am meant to pay just because I toot a little gas when I ride my bike. What's worse? Tooting the gas in a car and letting that fart air go stale or allowing the fermented gas to fill nature? You could also toot for evil, like in Walter the Farting Dog. If you haven't read these books it has the episode where a clown/bank robber gets a hold of Walter and uses his fart for a robbery heist. Classic fart torture.

Either way, we are being punished. We at our homestead engage in a lot if fart humor. I am guessing that we feel really good about ourselves.

Sometimes I take to Twitter to spew my fart humor, mostly ignored. One day someone found me amusing and re-tweeted a Tweet I made in regard to what eBook I bought to read in the potty. Right now my body is fighting against daylight saving so everything I do is one house behind, yes that too.

If you are still having tummy pains by the end of this post go eat some oats for crying out loud! Alton Brown will tell you all about how it gets you moving. Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Okay, now that we get closer to the Jewish Festival of freedom of processed foods I will be working on making my house spankan clean, like it's nobodies business.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Bike Expo 2013 Part Duh

Yesterday we left off with me arriving at the Seattle Bike Expo and the wonderful smell of the fishy fish bay. My first task was to find my volunteer station, the Bike donation station. I honestly assumed that it would be near the bike corral but I was wrong, not thinking like a car owner. The signage was bad and I biked to the corral and then did major exploration among cars in order to find the donation trailer. Well, better signage will be nice for next year. I made the executive decision to get my free entry ticket and go in before working. This left me with an hour to go through the expo.

By this time I was hungry. I needed fuel. I brought several food items from home and was walking around the top floor with carrot sicks and staring blankly at the different booths. One man at a booth asked for some carrots so I politely asked about his bags. He was nice and left me have "as many as I wanted " stickers for my sick kid. Detours person, you were very nice despite the fact I bought nothing, took stickers and was really stingy about giving you carrot sticks. My next stop was a long chat with the people at one of the electric bike stands. They had an assortment of really nice bikes. My understanding of bike charge and mileage was explained. Considering I can easily bike more than 20 in one day on some  good hills, the assist would need to be charged quicker. Plus, I have been toying with the idea of biking with my kids carpool. This would increase my load. I know, have them bike but these kids are like zombies after school. Even with one, it takes a lot if coaxing to tell a kid that we will be walking up hills. Those people with the chicken mower saved so many times. I would say, "do you want to visit the chickens?". "Of course mommy, I will get off the bike and run up the hill!"

I really want an electric assist but really worry about a breakdown I might not be able to fix or a sudden gain in bike weight I might have to just peddle.

This chi chat took up a lot of my time. The rest of the time I stopped at booths and played with stuff or played my game of "How heavy is this/Can I lift it?" For the most part I was ignored. I lifted up that Bullitt looking bike at the Ti Cycles stand. I fiddled and touched a ton of stuff, mostly ignored. At some point I saw the famous biker and reader savvy Kent. I was so close to saying hi when I was distracted by something more shiny than him. Go, ADD!

Probably the worst/funniest experience was at the Knog table. Clearly I am NOT the demographic they are marketing to. I picked up everything on that table but I am not tall, blonde or wearing skinny jeans. I opened all the locks and tried to re lock them. I could have taken something because the guy had his back to me. I took one shiny cool sticker. Although this was an invitation to take a ton. I know a lot of kids would love a shiny sticker. I am nice, so that is how we will leave it.

I went so fast I missed the chance to meet the other bike family bloggers. Ahh, I had a sick kid on my mind.

My final two hours at the expo was collecting bike donation in the car parking. Since I had my bike I had a lot of people ask me how many miles my "assist" bike goes. Ummm, as many as might legs let me. I let an Italian guy lift my bike. He looked strong and confirmed what I wine about. It's heavy!!!

I whine a lot but oh well. I had a nice time talking to Deb, the Executive Director at Bike Works. She is nice

Next year will have to be extraordinary to get Mr. Peyos to come along since he thinks EVERYONE should bike to the Expo.

My ride home was dull and quiet except for that ramp I dread. You know what I am talking about, the part where the chain link fence gets narrow and you have to peddle to get up. See, all I see is a wall of cement. I hate this ramp.

I told you this was going to be long. This is it. I left that the bike trail after passing the Space Needle and made my way onto the road with the metal machines. Hopefully next year is more eventful.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Bike Expo 2013 Part 1

Oh this is going to be long. I know people have better things to do than read my blog, unless you are in the potty. So, I decided to break up this long post in two parts. Tomorrow is part duh.

Uwajimaya snack stop before the Expo
Two years ago we volunteered for Bike Works at the bike corral. That was the year the Bike Snob showed up to spew his wrath on the expo. Davey Oil gave us an orientation on what to do and say when people brought their bikes to park. Somehow my kid got it into her head to say stuff like, "if you don't return with your matching bike ticket we will keep your bike". She took her job very seriously and was not joking about keeping the bike. She even got to ticket the bike the Bike Snob was using. I am sure he was in too much tush pain to pay attention to what was going on with his bike.

It was wet that day and I allowed my kid to splash too much in the puddles thinking I had extra socks in the trailer. Little did I remember that I took everything out to clean it and we had nothing. So, instead of walking around the Expo enjoying ourselves, we were in a search of tiny people socks. I wanted to hear the Bike Snoby snob talk but instead we sat where the talk was to begin and managed to change her socks there. My daughter had the camera and managed to take the most hilarious pictures of her foot in what looked like his mouth. She took so many that we laughed so hard while Mr. Snob was talking. I wonder if he noticed a hysterical mom and a little girl laughing off to the side. My husband enjoyed the pictures because he doesn't understand Bike Snob humor. I tried so hard to find those pictures because but with Pesach cleaning I put stuff away.

This year we decided to do something new and volunteer at the bike donation station for Bike Works. We really like Bike Works. They do so much for the community and are in general nice people to get bike help from. I never feel pressure to buy something when I got there and they don't judge me for not looking all spandexy.
waiting for the light to get on the Alaska Trail

The plan was to take a peak at what was donated in kid pink. Alas, anything with germs sticks to my kid and she ends up with a cold and major asthma. Instead of hanging out with me she got stuck at home, catching up on her Hebrew homework.

The ride was quick as it was mainly flat. I was not forced to ride behind a butt or multiple buns, yeah!!! Nobody was in a race with me. Although some spandexy man caught up with me and told me I was going fast which I told him that I was going pretty slow.
Elliot Bay Bike Trail

In exchange for standing outside in the barely mist I got to peruse the expo for a little before my volunteer gig. 

That new route under the Alaska Vidaduct is really bad I am going to give it a BIG thumbs down. What person on a bike thought to make that maze of paths on different sides of the road? Oh, sure give cars a better chance at killing me. It is not in any condition to just bike. I felt like I spent a lot of wasted time just stopping and slowing down.

Here is where it gets narrow
When I finally got on the Elliot Bay Bike Trail I was so happy and felt free! As you can see I was pretty alone. Nobody was in front of me and I see, NO BUNS to ride behind. I did have a cinnamon bun in my bag for a later snack. If you want a really good workout, I highly recommend biking this trail and then coming back. It is nice on a early Sunday morning.

Those girls in front of me passed me and then kept looking back to see if I was still there. I tried to transmit that I was not in a race with them but somehow they didn't get it. I kept this distance behind them the whole time, not really exerting myself.

The last picture for today is me arriving at the Expo. Tomorrow I will explain why I didn't take pictures at my volunteer gig or inside, long story.
I did it!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Crabby Patty Wednesday

Our walk to pick up our kid. Hello  Night Seattle!
When we get an physical invitation to a wedding I feel more of a sense of an obligation to go. Tuesday we were invited to a wedding and I knew this meant that I was out of luck finding a babysitter because EVERYONE needed a babysitter right. Plus, I am picky about my babysitter so this leaves me with few options. The worst situation was that my kid had to retake a states test and had to study for it. I had no idea about the first time she took the test so we didn't help her study for it. Lots of confusion ensued because I was under the impression she needed to retake a state capitol test so we had been studying for several days for that.  Turns out it was just the STATES TEST. Nice huh! We had two options on where to be babysat. An older sibling of her matching friend could watch her but this meant that she would forget about the test and want to spend the time playing CLUE or Monopoly. The alternative option was at the house of another friend where her friend could totally help her study to make sure she passed this test. I did have a third options but I was sure she was taken, turns out I was wrong.

So, I am just frankly crabby about the retake of a test I didn't know happened to begin with and the fact that I want to go places and my babysitting options are limited. Getting a babysitter you can trust is like pulling teeth.

When we picked up our kid her friend had drilled her on the states test until she was blue in the face. Having a friend one year older is nice, having gone through the exact same test. I hear they played a little and studied a lot. I hope her friend was able to do homework. This kid should get a prize. I will have to think of something prize worthy today.

I was happy to go to this double wedding. While the men were dancing I saw a little guy put a big guy on his shoulders. My friends and I laughed and that was the whole point, to be happy! One of these ladies brought shot for us to drink and I think mine is somewhere still on a table. I love that throat stinging sensation but then again I LOVE hot sauce too!

When can I touch these buttons?

During the actual wedding (the chupah) I noticed some strange buttons. What are they for and when can I go up and start punching them? I am like that. I am lethal in a museum because I want to have the whole tactile experience so my hands reach out but I never really grab anything. If I see street art I am there touching it.  I can't tell you countless times I touched that Jimmy Hendrix statue outside Blick on Broadway. Sometimes we sit on it for fun. See that art in the caption below? That was from a trip to L.A. I wanted to run through it but I stop myself because jail is something I am not interested in.

I promise not to break the law.

So, we have entered into Wednesday and I will either get a happy kid at the end of the day or a crabby one because the teacher is convinced we didn't help her pass.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Biking Closer to Home

Boring shopping at Trader Joe's
As shocking as it is I put my kid in a carpool in the morning. It is 10 miles there and back and after accessing the practicality of it all I decided that I was not ready for a daily 40 mile trek to and fro school.  Instead, we wake up just as bikey early as before and then make our way up a pretty steep hill to get to the carpool starting point. It's a serious walk. I looked on Google maps and it looks like almost a mile of walking. It doesn't take us long to get there. Our kid doesn't think much of walking to her carpool. In fact if she had to choose between biking a mile to a carpool and just down the street for the bus, she would choose the carpool.

So, she gets some fresh air in the morning and is peppy for school. The carpool is fun without drama or crazy talk. Sometimes it just quiet in the car, total meditation  The carpool is always on time. Nobody is marked tardy.

This leaves me biking closer to home. I feel like I don't bike in my hood so much. Most of my biking exploring has taken place in the Capitol Hill neighborhood. Some days when I rushed to pick up my kid I would end up earlier than I expected and would take a bike ride to do something mundane like shop at Trader Joe's. By the time I would get to her school with my front basket brimming with groceries.
missionaries always travel in 3's
One day I looked so laid back a threesome of Christian missionaries wanted to survey me. One of the questions was how to get more people to church. Ummm, I thought saying that I am an Orthodox Jew would turn them away but they were all ready to convert me and all. Instead the survey questions turned into me playing 20 questions with them: Where are you from? Why are you in Seattle? Do you know anything about Capitol Hill? Do missionaries come in groups of three? It's pretty cloudy right? This is exactly how I handle people who try to prozelitize to me. I start asking them all about their mother, pets, and fashion choice for the day. My husband likes to just plain prove them wrong by confusing them but I find my technique more entertaining. I like to end with, "Have a Hookah Day!", just to mix it up.

These days I bike around this Rainier Valley hood. Today I get to run errands and not have to think of schlepping up that hill, yeah!

Monday, March 4, 2013

Shabbos, Cows, and Chasidim

Wow, I got the whole cow theme going on. This past Shabbos we listened to Parshas Parah...mooo! The parsha is about the laws of red heifer and serves as a reminder to those who have become tamay (unpure) through contact with a corpse and how to purify themselves so they can offer the korban Pesach. We don't have the Beis ha-Mikdash but we should learn about these offering and prepare ourselves. We are entering into Nissan very soon and Jews will be reenacting our Exodus.

Arriving to hear this was not something I anticipated  unlike last Shabbos. Some people hold it is a mitvah d'orse to listen to this parsha. I wonder what would have happened had I came in full cow costume, but I guess it is not Shabbodik. I am at the stage in my life where I can go to shul with my daughter. In her early years I did not go with her and I am not a fan of my husband taking her because having a little kid in the men's section is very distracting for the dad. Other than that, the only other cow contact were the meatballs I put in my cholent. We had a friend over and she is easy and nice to have over. You can joke, be serious and talk Torah with her all in the same breath.

Shabbos with nice, calm with friends. Afterwards we used motor oil to go a very short distance. We would have biked had we not had one more person to bring along to the Simply Tzfat concert. They were not good, they were EXCELLENT. I had to stand the whole time we were there. The musicianship of these men is truly awesome.

It was exciting up until my kid accidentally smashed her fingers in the bathroom door. This ended our concert experience. Our kids fingers were swollen and purple and the fingernails were white. So, I went into "save my kid mode". First thing was rush her hand under cold water. The whole thing was clinical and I could tell that some people around us might have fainted had they helped us so it was better my husband came out to assist me. I asked for an ice pack and instead got a super sized bag of ice pops, which in my mind was funny, picture worthy. I am sure I could have had a kid document the whole thing for me but I was a little busy.

Our ride home was with a famous rapper turned Jew but nobody in the car was impressed which I find funny. In between sobs of "now I can't play on the computer", we discussed the meaning of the "Thrift Shop"song. Now I know what "popping tags" means, not that I really care.

We spent our Sunday in super homework mode even though my yetzer hara wanted to take me to the Emerald City Comic-Con. I am sad, so sad, we didn't go. I was even tempted to buy these rain boots just to bike there. Good thing, I used the money for my kid to go to the beauty salon.

Here is my daughter's hand on Sunday. Her and her friends like to play on the balcony when it is sunny. Mostly I think they hope to get a glimpse of the cute chubby baby next door. My daughter wants to hold him but now she has a disability with her hand and all. At least we have the Seattle Bike Expo to look forward to next week. I am just going to pray we don't have any more accidents like this.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Amazon wants me to have "More Cow Bell"

It is Friday and I had such a hard week. I couldn't get time to actually sit down and write something, nor was I on public transportation where boredom sets in and I end up making a post lickety split.

We had two days where my kid was exhausted and sick. None of it was Purim related so don't blame me for allowing my kid to eat candy until she was blue in the face. This never happened. As much as I like candy our kid has so much self-control she will hoard candy. We know her so well we were able to leave all the mishloach manot with candy out on a table and she didn't even touch it.

So, we were left with sorting and composting the rest of what was left from our mishloach manot and cleaning the house because it was a disaster after Purim. Tuesday was a super cleaning day.

I barely have time to look at my email. I caught up and noticed the recommendation email from Amazon. When you make a purchase from Amazon you occasionally get an email suggesting what you might want to purchase in the future. For my costume I only purchased the cow ears and an apron. I bought the cow bell at Michael's. I guess some computer formula figured I was missing the cow bell and suggested that I get it to complete my look.

No way was I going to spend $19 or even $30 on a cow bell. I know I am crazy but not that crazy. It is funny how Amazon works because you buy something and then get bombarded with email suggestions later. I don't even think I spent $7 on the bell. Since we don't have a door bell I might take the cow bell and hang it outside. For a while we were tempted to put a bike bell out there but I think we came to the conclusion that people who knock on the door might not know how to use it.

I wonder now if I have the same exact cow bell used by the Blue Oyster Cult

This Shabbos is sure to be special. Simply Tzfat is in town and we will be there with what my daughter used to call  "The Dancing Dada's".

Bike Escape: Fay Bainbridge Park 2019

I went camping without kids. How did I manage that? (insert shrug) One of the old time pedal parents went with me. Our schedules for this ...